Better together: a mother-daughter story

Would you go into business with your mum? Mother-daughter relationships are incredibly powerful and although most of us would do almost anything for the woman who brought us into this world, going over the accounts with her? That’s a whole new level!

Meet Vanessa De Luca and her mum Enza. a dynamic duo so passionate about inspiring other women to live healthier, happier and more soulful lives they opened a boutique yoga business together – and became even closer for it.

Our chat with the women behind Sydney’s Soul Flow Yoga went a little like this…

 

Enza

Mum. Kundalini yoga & meditation teacher, Soul Flow Yoga co-founder.

Vanessa once told me I don’t dream big enough… and she was right at the time, maybe not so much anymore, which is all thanks to her.

I’m proving to myself that I can continue fulfilling my dreams well into my 50s… and what better way to do that than with my daughter by my side? I’ve been a wife for 35 years, a mother for 30 years and a Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher for 8 years. What I’m really passionate about is travel, yoga and helping people to find their own personal truth and bliss. Now I get to do that every single day and I couldn’t be happier.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learnt from finally following my passion is… although you must always compromise, compromise, compromise on the little things in life, when you really really want something – you need to go for it.

There are many different paths to reach your goal… the one you take might be different than you expected, but it could also be better, so you’ve got to trust it when it opens up.

I love Vanessa’s feistiness and clear vision… she knows what she wants and she goes after it. She is also much more realistic than I am, which can be a very good thing in business. Her realism keeps my optimism in balance.

It’s not always easy though… as with all relationships, there are going to be ups and downs. Vanessa has strong opinions and can sometimes be inflexible, where I can be quite lax and like going with the flow. She can put a fair amount of pressure on things to meet a certain standard and this means she can let it get to her when things are not working out as planned, or take longer than anticipated. That’s hard for me to deal with sometimes, but it also means things are done a lot better than they would be if left to me!

The only way I know to maintain a good relationship in the long term is… to stick with it and keep working on it. You only put that kind of effort in when you decide that having a good relationship with a person is a high priority for you. It’s got to be worth it – you have to decide you want the relationship to be good more than you want anything else. This doesn’t mean you compromise your values, but it does mean you give at least as much as you take.

I hope the best advice I’ve ever given my daughter is… simply the way I’ve lived my own life. I hope I’ve been a role model to her of how a woman can be whatever she wants to be; a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend whilst giving herself time for her own intellectual, spiritual and physical growth and expansion. I also hope I’ve taught her how to value being a woman.

Today’s Aquarian Age women are… strong, intuitive and independent, they value freedom, embrace their femininity and are very creative, so I think respecting each other’s opinions and needs is one of the most important things to remember with adult mother-daughter relationships these days.

Learning to love and appreciate myself has improved my relationship with Vanessa… allowing myself the freedom to be me was very important in building a stronger relationship with my daughter. If you don’t respect yourself and believe in what you’re doing, you can’t expect to have the respect of others, even if they’re your children.

The things I value most in life now are… Love, love, love, beauty, harmony, peace, laughter, fun, good friends, family, a peaceful home and did I mention love? My family and friends are everything.

 

Vanessa

Daughter. Vinyasa yoga teacher, freelance hairdresser, Soul Flow Yoga co-founder.

There’s one piece of advise mum gave me that changed my life… she said you can’t go from sad to happy in one step, or leap from not being able to do something, to being a master. You need patience and persistence in all things, including emotions. Do the work and you will get there.

I think working together has taught us… to be honest and respectful, communicate well and take time to understand what each other wants and needs, and why.

I’m completely committed to the service of making people feel good… whether it’s in the yoga studio, calming and directing peoples attention inwards and helping them really be present with breath and movement techniques, or in the comfort of their home making them look beautiful with a fresh blow dry.

One of my favourite things in life is… co-creating with the people I’m close to. I love undertaking joint projects, and Soul Flow with mum has been my biggest leap of faith yet.

Working with mum has been a pleasant surprise… I’ve learnt that we can work really well together and achieve so much in super short periods of time! We can also say anything to each other, with respect, without there being any sensitivity around it, which I think is pretty cool.

We make silly mistakes when… we’re not rested properly and try to do too much in an exhausted state! Lesson learned. Sleep first, big decisions next.

Mum’s most admirable and annoying quality is… she comes up with so many ideas, which is great but she wants to make most of them happen as soon as they pop into her head! I prefer to focus on nailing a few at a time and prioritise them in order of what’s important and will have the most impact, but she’s just got so much energy – more than me to be honest. It’s hard to keep up!

Communication is so important… we talk every day, twice a day. Sometimes just to see how the other is coping with the business workload!

I know who my mum is and I accept her, every little bit… I don’t expect that she will stop doing something that annoys me. I accept her and love her and can choose how to react to what she says or does. Sometimes I react adversely but I’m always ready to let that go and move forward because I think to myself, “That’s part of who she is and she won’t change”, “Is it really that bad?” and “Out of all the amazingness that is her, this is just one thing that’s upsetting me in this moment.” Everything is temporary!

If you want to be closer to your mum, or anyone else… simply give more. More time, help and also more insight into yourself. Work out what they need and give it to them when and if you can. Communicate about what’s going on for you; keep them up-to-date with your life so they can understand it and be part of it.

 

Question time

The Quick 5…

First 3 words that come to mind when you think about your body?
Vanessa: Petite, ever-changing, demanding
Enza: Soft, luscious, curvy

How do you take your coffee or tea?
Vanessa: Soy/coconut/almond flat white please
Enza: Cappuccino extra froth and extra chocolate

Guilty pleasure?
Vanessa: Pasta
Enza: Kettle Chips

You can only do one style of workout for life… what would it be?
Vanessa: Yoga, duh!
Enza: Yoga

Something people wouldn’t know about you?
Vanessa: I can be quite introverted
Enza: I’m a recovering sugar addict. It’s a long-term addiction.

 

What’s your favourite…

Brunch order
Vanessa: Avocado smash on sourdough with coriander and lime!
Enza: Corn and zucchini fritters with avocado salsa

Instagram account
Vanessa: @ihavethisthingwithfloors – I love ceramics and anything visually artistic
Enza: @gabbybernstein – she’s amazing!

Book and/or movie
Vanessa: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Enza: Timeless Secrets of Health and Rejuvenation by Andreas Moritz

Non-yoga exercise
Vanessa: Barre Pilates
Enza: Interval training barefoot on the beach

Sentimental item
Vanessa: My blender. I love it with all my heart. I thought I broke it last year and nearly cried
Enza: My wedding dress